Ultraviolet

Every now and again, I’ll find myself watching a movie where the characters on the screen are saying exactly what I’m thinking. Usually it’s unintentional, and usually it’s in bad movies.

Take Ultraviolet, for example. The movie opens with Violet (Milla Jovovich) in biking leathers trying to get into a top security establishment. Her hair keeps changing colour. So do her clothes. For no apparent reason. She gets into the establishment and steals a package. She defeats an improbable number of armed men, escapes by leaping through a helicopter on a motorbike, and is radioed by the head of her resistance unit en route to delivering the package:

“What the hell is going on, Violet?”

Hey, that’s just what I was thinking! And this is only five minutes into the movie. I hadn’t seen anything yet.

Turns out the package contains a child, which in itself is a miracle considering it’s the size of a briefcase and the child is nine years old. Violet rescues the kid before her boss can kill him, and the two go on the run.

That’s about as far as I got. The rest of the movie is partially about the relationship between Violet and the child (played by Cameron Bright, who has the same other-worldly look he uses in Running Scared, Birth and Godsend). The other part is techno special effects, inexplicable plot developments, and attempts by the director (Kurt Wimmer) to make his movie look like a comic book.

The techno special effects are far too computer generated to be actually realistic. That’s the trouble with CGI – some techies forget that, unless you’re working on The Matrix, you kind of have to stick within the laws of physics. Or at least probability. Watching Violet surrounded by fourteen men and avoiding all their bullets through a series of somersaults does not, in my opinion, count. Again, the characters said it for me – this time it was Daxus (Nick Chinlund), one of the evil guys chasing Violet:

“One woman against fourteen men? It’s ridiculous.”

That’s the word I was looking for! It also describes the plot developments: how did Violet get to that idyllic garden with the child, when two minutes ago they were in a car being chased by armed men? How did Daxus get to the idyllic garden? What’s the point of that thing he’s wearing on his nose, when germs can still get into his mouth? How did Violet get up on that roof? Why does her hair keep changing colour? How come the kid is dead one minute and alive the next? What happened to the virus he’s carrying?

And the questions go on. Another one is: why are half the shots in comic-book style soft focus, and the rest clear as day? It just ends up looking like the director wants to cover up Milla Jovovich’s wrinkles. It’s all very weird, and not particularly entertaining.

If you’re drunk, sleep deprived, or in any other state where you’re not inclined to ask questions, Ultraviolet is for you. To everyone else, don’t bother. The gigantic plot inconsistencies and plain silly fight sequences will leave you more bemused than entertained.

Photos courtesy of Sony pictures

Ultraviolet at IMDB